Dad For A Decade
My dad passed away about 2 ½ years ago. This July, as my oldest sister will turn 50, it would have also marked 50 years for one, James L. Van Veldhuizen, as a dad. At the beginning of June of this year my oldest turned 10. I have officially been a dad for an entire decade – far from 50 years, but well on my way. Relatively speaking the first few years are rather simple. “Parenting” in this stage is relegated more to the basics of keeping the kid alive more than nurturing his soul. Certainly, as the years progress, my boys sin nature rears its ugly head and the parenting begins.
As I instruct my boys, guide them in their learning of scripture, and share with them what the LORD has done in our lives, it baffles me how non-believers can parent. There is no basis for anything, no real groundwork for right or wrong, no absolute truth for which to base a system of morals on. I wonder, though, how easy it is to parent that way. When your child fires back with a, “why not?” how often is the answer “because I said so”. It is harder to take the time to explain to your child what the Bible says – but as hard as it can be, it is equally rewarding. When it comes to parenting, do the hard things.
I grew up as the youngest of five children…
… furthermore, I am eight years removed in age from my closest sibling. As such, I have often told people my parents were done with raising kids by the time I came around. That is not to say they did not parent me, but it was certainly very different from what my four older siblings experienced as a group being only 6 years apart. I struggle to this day to put an actual date or even age on when I accepted Christ. As a young boy carrying through the early part of my college years my walk with Christ was more a list of things I abstained from rather than a journey of discipleship. My parents certainly modeled what that journey should look like – spending time in the Word daily, praying, regularly attending church, giving, etc. I recall very little time spent requiring it from me or teaching me how to do it.
This is why I love this quote from Michele Morin in her article she wrote for John Piper’s ministry, Desiring God,
“Certainly, we want our children to get along with others, obey house rules, and be kind to their siblings, but unless their good behavior flows from a desire to please God and to live in right relationship with him, we’re just producing a generation of rule-followers... Instead, the goal is to model a strong foundation of spiritual disciplines (prayer, Scripture reading, service, giving, worship) that our children embrace as part of a growing relationship with God. The sooner we can duck out of the position as middleman in our children’s spiritual growth, the better.”
As parents who are followers of Christ we all know Proverbs 22:6,
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
It is right there in scripture, and yet, provides no actual guarantee for our children’s Godliness. It takes faith and prayer. Prayers that the LORD will draw our children’s hearts to his own and faith to trust that he will do just that. It may a heart wrenching statement and also words of relief when Marshall Segal says, “The birth certificate may declare that our sons and daughters are legally dependent on us, but they belong, first and foremost, to God.”
Parenting is certainly many things, frustrating, rewarding, tiring, fulfilling; it takes faith, patience, and the remaining list of the fruits of the spirit (See Galatians 5:22-23). Ultimately, they are God’s, and while they have been entrusted to us, it is the LORD’s will that will prevail.